inFamous: A Rant

So it's cool to have plot twists at the end of video games, right? After all, it works for movies! Today I'll be discussing one of the more recent games with a major plot twist - inFamous (yes, the bad capitalization is intentional.)



The premise of the game is this - you are Cole McGrath, the guy on the cover. You have been tricked into detonating a fancy bomb thing known as the Ray Sphere in Empire City, decimating said city, destroying much of the populace, and on the plus side, giving you command over electricity. On the minus side, the city's under quarantine, and those holding up said quarantine will shoot civilians trying to escape. Or not trying to escape - a basic theme throughout is that the government sucks.



Anyway, after a failed escape attempt, this FBI agent known as "Moya" (seen above) says you have to go find her husband John and the Ray Sphere so you can deliver them to her. In return she'll get you out of the quarantine. The thing is, when you find John, he doesn't know Moya - he works for the NSA, hates the FBI, and is paranoid. When you find out about this, you get pissed and say the deal's off. She then calls in an air strike and blames you for the air strike.

But that's not the stupid part. What is, you ask?



Meet Kessler, the Big Bad. When you meet him, Cole says that he knows they're meant to be enemies, and Kessler tells Cole (through a power I call "MIND ELECTRICITY," which apparently involves shocking your foe's brain until they get visions of stuff you've done) that Kessler himself is responsible for the destruction of Empire City. Dead Drops (communications from John) confirm that Kessler ordered the Ray Sphere to be delivered, and specified Cole to deliver it so the bomb would explode.

He then hires a TV hijacker known as the Voice of Survival to yell "COLE MCGRATH IS A TERRORIST" at everyone (I was playing as Hero Cole - yeah, there's a Karma Meter, taking you from Hero to Infamous, and though the game obviously wanted me to play as Infamous Cole given the title, I chose Hero.) Then he kills the Voice of Survival, and a news broadcast says "THE FEDERALS KILLED THE VOICE OF SURVIVAL. ALSO, COLE MCGRATH IS A TERRORIST."



When you finally find the Ray Sphere in the clutches of an angry old telekinetic hobo named Alden (above), former leader of the First Sons (now Kessler's villain group,) your stupid best friend Zeke activates the Ray Sphere again, killing hundreds of people and getting no powers. Kessler than recruits Zeke into the First Sons, takes the Ray Sphere, and through a complicated plot involving bombs and a Sadistic Choice, kills your girlfriend, Trish. Alden dies, by the way, but Cole is convinced he didn't (Alden jumped into the probably toxic waters of Empire City Bay, and being old, can't really swim.)

Eventually I disposed of the Ray Sphere, though the game, convinced I was still considering the evil path, gave me the choice of activating it again (choices like these are stupid - I have full good karma and it still gives a choice like "hmm... I could go adopt a kitten, or I could rape this baby... the choice is so difficult...") Then I go to confront Kessler, and let me tell you, this man is annoying - he's shooting lightning and hurling telekinetic things at you, while insulting your mother and father. In the process of the fight he tries to kill Zeke, but fails.



So I finally kill Kessler using a combination of MIND LIGHTNING and regular lightning. Kessler MIND LIGHTNINGs me back to reveal that some creature he calls "The Beast" destroyed Empire City, and Kessler ran away, leaving it to... I guess destroy the destroyed Empire City. The one thing he apparently clung to was a picture of his wife, Trish, and best man, Zeke.



Kessler is supposed to be Cole from the future.

...

Are you.

Freaking.

KIDDING ME?

Let's suppose Kessler is, in fact, Cole. But the problems start even there, because the way Kessler MIND LIGHTNINGs it, he had powers even before The Beast came. Further, HE WOULDN'T HAVE EVEN BEEN ABLE TO ESCAPE QUARANTINE. Especially not with Trish, who's a doctor and stayed in Empire City to help people.

Then there's the First Sons, who have a cult set up to worship Alden, and now suddenly Kessler shows up (TRAVELLING IN TIEM!!!!!1) and they're like "Oh, let's follow him instead!" And then they start SHOOTING COLE, along with Kessler trying to kill him by every other method. This is supposed to be "oh, he's testing Cole to see if he's ready to face The Beast, as Kessler has been doing since Cole was born!" One, Kessler supposedly IS Cole, so was he training himself to fight The Beast as a fetus? Two, if the First Sons and Kessler know this, then why are they wasting time trying to kill Cole, as obviously Cole survives all this! How do I know? Because KESSLER'S RIGHT THERE, AND YOU'RE SAYING HE'S COLE!

Okay, now Empire City is destroyed by an explosion of the Ray Sphere. But wait, The Beast was responsible for destroying Empire City! Did he re-destroy it? No, silly billy! It was destroyed by the Ray Sphere! And who ordered the Ray Sphere? KESSLER. KESSLER! KESSLER!

KESSLER IS THE FREAKIN' BEAST! THE BEAST DESTROYED EMPIRE CITY! KESSLER DESTROYED EMPIRE CITY! THEY'RE OBVIOUSLY ONE AND THE SAME!

Kessler was training Cole to kill The Beast? Why not have Kessler blow his own mind out with Mind Lightning? Oh, OBVIOUSLY because they're different people! The Beast is responsible for killing Trish and breaking Kessler's heart in his future - HORSE DUNG! KESSLER KILLED TRISH! KESSLER IS THE FREAKIN' BEAST! The Beast tried to kill Zeke? Hey, guess what Kessler did?

I did some looking up on Google, and people are calling this the best video game ending since Metal Gear Solid 4 (... no.) They theorize that if you're evil Cole, Cole becomes The Beast. This ending would make sense, but I was Hero Cole. And even if I was Infamous Cole, what was Kessler training me for? To fight The Beast? GUESS WHAT! I'M THE BEAST NOW! HOOPADOOPDOOPDOOP! Good Cole, though? He BELIEVES KESSLER and is waiting for The Beast to come so he can fight it. Poor, stupid man doesn't realize HE JUST KILLED THE BEAST.

I looked the evil ending up, too. It's the same thing. Cole is prepared to kill The Beast, only now he's evil and rules over Empire City.

So to recap:

Cole's stupid. Zeke is stupid. Alden is stupid. Moya is stupid. KESSLER IS A STUPID, STUPID IDIOT. And the writing team is stupid.

Want my ending?

Kessler's really a hobo down the street known as Crazy Steve. He somehow has psychic powers and command of MIND LIGHTNING. He MIND LIGHTNINGed the First Sons and Alden into believing stuff he said, ordered the Ray Sphere thinking it was a pizza special, and blew up the city. Then he MIND LIGHTNINGed John, Cole, and Zeke into thinking he was one bad mother-

"SHUT YO MOUTH!"

I'm just talking about Crazy Steve.

He then did whatever his id wanted to, trying to look badass while doing it (and calling Cole - seriously, how the hell does Cole have Crazy Steve's phone number? Future Cole I get knows his own number, but why doesn't Cole just block Kessler and everyone else he's pissed off at?) and finally MIND LIGHTNINGs Cole one more time before dying, and Cole goes insane from being MIND LIGHTNINGed twice. That makes way more sense. Thank god there's not an even stupider inFamous 2 coming out.

ps3.ign.com/articles/109/1094766p1.html

What?

Dissidia: Director's Cut

Dissidia – Director’s Cut

Disclaimer: This story is in script format, so if you don’t like it, tough. This will have swearing and violence. Lots of it. If this offends you, don’t read this. Also, the characters within will be taken horribly out of character and the plot of Dissidia “RUINED FOREVER,” which may upset fanboys. If you feel this may upset you, GTFO. You should really not take things like this seriously. Also, I own none of the characters used in this.

Autor’s Nose Author’s Note: WoL = Warrior of Light. CoD = Cloud of Darkness. OK = Onion Knight.

Author’s Second Note: This may make absolutely no sense if you haven’t played Dissidia or any other Final Fantasy games. If you feel this confuses you, do some research, then come back and read this.

Prologue:

[The scene is Cosmos' place. WoL is running at top speed across the terrain]
WoL: I must hurry! The speed of light is on my side, and light is unconquerable! Its speed cannot be matched, for nothing is greater than light! Light will…
[WoL comes to a stop. A Manikin based on WoL appears and groans in exasperation.]
WoL: What is this creature? It is not a creature of light, for light is pure, and this creature is not pure, so it must not be of the light, for I know that the light is pure, and…
[The Manikin smacks WoL upside the head.]
WoL: Ow! Asshole! None can challenge light, for light is all powerful, and…
[The Manikin readies to smack WoL again. WoL stabs the Manikin in the chest repeatedly and it dies.]
WoL: The light justifies my force, for the only force I use is that of light! The light makes me pure, so I use the light to defeat those who stand in the way of light! None should stand in the way of light, because light cannot be stopped, and light…
[A squadron of Manikins armed with swords rise from the ground.]
WoL: Oh, f*ck me… Wait, what am I saying? I can defeat this force, for though it seems great, nothing is greater than light, and I am the warrior of light, so I am a great force, and…

[Some time later, WoL is still rambling on, surrounded by Manikin corpses. Firion arrives, panting and sweaty.]
Firion: Sorry I took so looong… I have to carry every single one of these things around, you knooow…
WoL: Could you quit elongating the vowels at the end of every sentence? It makes you sound… you know…
[Firion glares at WoL]
WoL: Not that there’s anything wrong with that. But for the light to be around, it might get uncomfortable, for light reveals all, and…
Firion: STOP TALKIIING!
[The two of them stare off into the distance, awkwardly.]
WoL: We should… go… now… to place… and deal… stuff… with light…
Firion: Let’s.
[WoL and Firion run off in that direction together. The screen fades to white]
WoL: We must win, for light is on our side, and light will get us out of this conundrum, for light…
Firion: Wait… dammit! We started on the wrong sceeeene!
WoL: We did?
Firion: Yeah! We’re in the middle of the damn thiiing!
WoL: Oh, fu-

Chapter 1:

What? What do you want? I’m busy here!
…
Yeah, busy playing Super Mario Galaxy. That totally counts as busy! … No, I’m not narrating! I saw where we started, and there’s no narrator stuff there for a long time! I’ve got time to go defeat Bowser and…
…
Fine, just let me get this star so I can save. Ass.

…

Hi. I’m the narrator. In fact, I’ll spoil the mystery for you right here and say who I really am – Cid of the Lufaine. From the first Final Fantasy game. I thought after that game I would be done, but then they put a Cid in every game, and I’ve had to be every single Cid there is. Then I had to reprise the damn part I started with three times. I’m twenty years older, the gamers will notice! And now I’m pulled in for this. Goddamn contract… So anyway, you probably want to hear the bastards’ crappy story about idiots. Fine. Here I go with the REAL prologue…

See, there’s Cosmos, the goddess of harmony. And there’s Chaos, the god of discord. They don’t like each other, and both of them are just plain stupid, relying on the fact that they’re gods to get them through the day. Morons.
So anyway, instead of settling their differences like anyone with sense, they decided to hide away in their hidey-holes and send warriors to fight each other. The warriors, being retarded, agreed to sacrifice their lives to achieve nothing.
The bigger goddamn idiots of the whole thing, Cosmos and Chaos, were even more retarded and got absolutely nowhere. They pretty much did nothing but counter each other, and got nowhere for f*cking forever.
Then this happened…

Garland: I, GARLAND, WILL knock you all down CRUSH YOU ALL!
WoL: Never, Garlic, for I am a force of light, and light cannot be knocked down crushed, and…
Emperor: We grow bored of this. We’re going to kill you all because we’re a jackass.
Firion: Not if III have anything to say about iiit! You cannot crush my dream, because that is the strength of WILD ROOOOSEEEES!
OK: All right! I’m smarter than all of you, so… HOLY CRAP BOOBIES!
CoD: … Friggin’ kids…
Golbez: Maybe if I slip away quietly, I can avoid…
Cecil: HEY BROTHER! Whatcha doin’?
Exdeath: You will. All. Fall. To the Void. That I summon. When I come. Here.
Bartz: Come on, guys! We must not death!
Terra: Kefka, you’ll pay for your crimes!
Kefka: You’ll have to be more specific. I’ve got a lot.
[Cut to a scene of Kefka burning an orphanage and laughing as the children cry out in pain.]
Cloud: Wow, this is… really uninteresting.
Sephiroth: Oh, forget this. I’m going to see mother.
[Sephiroth stabs himself.]
Squall: Hmm… wonder if I should follow the prettyboy…
[Ultimecia struggles to fit her hair through a doorway.]
Ultimecia: Give me just a second… hey, I got that one! A “second”! Give me a second[/s], and your [b]time shall come!
[Everyone groans except Ultimecia and the now-dead Sephiroth.]
Kuja: Moving on from that unfunny piece of sh*t, you’re going to f*cking die, you goddamn monkey motherf*cker!
Zidane: Swearing is not caring! I’ll help you learn how to stop, though…
Tidus: I HATE YOU! YOU NEVER PAY ATTENTION TO ME! WHY AREN’T YOU SHOWERING ME WITH AFFECTION? WHY DON’T YOU LOVE ME?
Jecht: HA-HA! Love making.

The gods scraped the bottom of the barrel and found those who ignore rules. You know the type – those that blatantly disregard the rules of anything, and never get in trouble. Ever. Assholes. So anyway, those on Chaos’ side figured that they didn’t want to charge blindly into battle like moles on crack, so they creates Manikins, which are basically crystal versions of the warriors. Uninspired, if you ask me.
So the Warriors of Cosmos were like “What the fu-” and died. Most of them, anyway. But really, no one cared. Except when Ambush Bug died, because he was really great at parties. And he was always my Player 2.
So anyway, the fight took forever, and it’s about to end pretty darn soon. Chaos is going to win, so if he does, everyone and everything that existed, exists, will exist, or ever could exist is going to be destroyed. That includes you. Man, you guys are so screwed.
So anyway, the world’s busy plunging into chaos right now. We’re all doomed, and the other warriors are completely useless and can’t help us. Why am I so certain? Well… you’d better get to know them.

Chapter 2:
[WoL is shown awakening on the ground in Cosmos' place. He stands and looks around]
Cosmos’s Voice: Oh, GODDAMMIT! I lost! F*cking hell!
WoL: Cosmos!
Cosmos’s Voice: No, it’s your mother, and you are my least favorite son. I never loved you. OF COURSE IT’S ME! Now hurry up and save the world, because that’s not going to f*cking happen right now!
[A pillar of light emanates from the sky to the ground.]
WoL: How shiny… It is a source of light, so I must approach it, for light is all that is great in the world, and the light shall cleanse all, because…
[WoL walks toward it, still rambling on.]

Right about now is when there’d be a level or something. There isn’t. Tough.

WoL: What is going on? The light confuses me, for there should be light, and a chance to show how I am of the light, but there is no light, and no chance to show it, which stinks, because I have light... I must hurry to Cosmos! She will have an answer, because she is of the light, and…
[A Manikin slaps WoL upside the head. He stabs it and it dies.]
WoL: Manikins... Creatures of shadow used by Chaos’s forces, clearly creatures of darkness, which is not light, and being allied with Chaos is another mark against them, for he is not of the light, and doesn’t have me, who is of the light, and…
[Another Manikin slaps WoL upside the head. He kills this one too.]
WoL: I wasn’t done talking about light! It is not wise to interrupt me when I talk of light, because light is the most important thing on the planet, and deserves undivided attention, for the glory of light cannot be…
[Two more Manikins slap WoL upside the head. He kills them both. A slightly different Manikin appears.]
WoL: What fiend is that? It clearly is not of the light, like my other foes, who are also not of light, and I am of light, but it seems completely different, though still not of light, for I know that…
Cosmos’s Voice: Shut the hell up you damn idiot! It’s another f*cking Manikin! Kill it like the others!
WoL: Mmkay.
[WoL kills the Manikin by stabbing it.]
WoL: Wait… That was Cosmos, goddess of light, and justice, and light, and order, and light! I must find her, because her light compliments mine, and light is pure, like she is, but these interruptions by creatures of not light prevent me from getting to her light, which irritates me, for I need light to…

Chapter 3:
[After a couple of Manikin battles, which suck and are boring, WoL sees Cosmos ahead of him. She has appeared at what was the base of the pillar of light from earlier. She appears lethargic and pissed.]
WoL: Cosmos, goddess of light, and justice, which is light, and order, and…
Cosmos: SHUT UP! Can’t you see I’m busy here? Chaos decided to get off his lazy ass and kick mine!
WoL: Your what?
Cosmos: My ass, stupid! You want me to show it to you? Because I’m kind of busy, seeing as how Chaos, the god of motherf*cking chaos (no sh*t) is busy dicking around with reality right now!
[Lights radiate from Cosmos upward into the sky. Astral projections of her are now speaking to all the other heroes as well, scattered in different areas.]
Cosmos: Reality as it is and beyond what can be comprehended is going to f*cking die. I’ve only got ten of you left, and unfortunately, you are the ten. Whatever, I’ll live… oh, wait, no I won’t. I’m dying here. So I’ll pray to the gods that happen to be listening that you can do one simple thing. Go find some crystals…
[WoL raises his hand.]
Cosmos: What?
WoL: Are they light?
Cosmos: Yeah, about ten kilograms each.
WoL: No, I mean are they of light, like I am of light, and…
Cosmos: FINE! JEEZ! Whatever you said! They’re the most perfect light in the universe if it’ll make you shut up! The crystals will give you strength to save reality, for all I care!
[Firion raises his hand.]
Cosmos: What?
Firion: While we’re looking for the crystals, can we get weapooons? I like weapooons!
Cosmos: Fine, geez! You’re already overcompensating, along with that emo in blonde hair!
Tidus: I JUST WANT MY DADDY TO LOVE ME!
Cosmos: Other emo with blonde hair.
Zidane: I can help out emos in need, for I am…
Cosmos: No, OTHER emo!
Terra: … You’re going to burn in hell for calling me that. If you weren’t just a hologram, you would SO be on fire right now.
Cosmos: GODDAMMIT, HOW MANY OF YOU ARE THERE WITH BLONDE HAIR?
Firion: Mine’s white.
Cecil: I think that counts. It does with me. Oh, being in the in-group for once is AMAZING!
OK: Mine’s under a helmet, but yeah, it’s white-blonde.
Kuja: Hey, so is mine, ass!
Kefka: I have blonde hair, yet I’m not a complete ninny like the girl!
CoD: I’ve got grey-blonde hair. I guess. I’m gonna go take a nap now.
Emperor: Our blonde hair is prettier then yours. It reminds us of a newborn babe. A babe with power. The power of voodoo.
Sephiroth: Mine’s really more gray than anything…
Cosmos: You’re warriors of Chaos! Get out!
Kuja: Fine, bitch.
[The Warriors of Chaos leave. The Warrior of Light coughs.]
WoL: My hair is also white-blonde, which is a natural color, and it reflects light, both literally and figuratively, because white reflects all colors of visible light, and it shows how light flows through me…
Cosmos: SHUT UP! JUST SHUT YOUR F*CKING FACES! I don’t care how many of you are the f*cking Aryan race, you still have to get your f*cking crystals like normal douchebags! You may even save the world – I don’t care at this point! Just go get them, or go straight into danger... while you’re at it, go on different paths or whatever. Wherever you go, especially if it’s a pit of spikes with retards like you at the bottom, there’s a crystal there. Trust me. You may not see it, or the path, or much of anything when you die, but it’ll probably be there.
Squall: Go alone? All right. No one understands me, anyway.
[In a different place; Zidane and Bartz are there.]
Zidane: Oh boy, treasure! I like treasure, but I can help people with it, though keeping it for myself helps me… maybe I can help both sides by…
Bartz: All your crystals are will belong to me! Just don’t accidentally, k?
Zidane: Dude, get some original material. You need help with that?
[Another place; Onion Knight and Terra are there.]
OK: Well, I’m smarter than anyone, so I’ll find mine, no problem! And I’ll lose my virgini- I mean, protect you along the way!
Terra: I'm counting on you… to get your crystal and then die so your use is done…
OK: What?
Terra: Nothing! Let’s go!
[Another place; Cecil, Firion, Tidus and Cloud are there]
Cecil: OOOH! I like searching for things! WE’RE GOING ON A TREASURE HUNT!
Firion: Treasure huuunt? That’s totally suuuupeeeeer! Maybe we can hunt togetheeeeer!
Cloud: Oh, hey, great. Sure. Whatever. It’s not like Chaos is sending his armies at us or anything. Let’s just take our time and have fun. That’ll be great. You guys TOTALLY won’t die.
Tidus: All right! Let’s go kill them all! Especially my dad! Because I don’t like him! And I want to kill him! And…
Cosmos: Just go already!
[Cosmos' astral projections vanish; we return to Cosmos and WoL]
Cosmos: Look, the world’s going straight to hell. I’m trying very f*cking hard here to keep it together, and you’re wasting time by not getting your crystal. I’ve told you, like, fifty times to go away, so for the fifty-first time… LEAVE!
WoL: Cosmos... Your radiant light shall always be with us. Because we are of the light, and I am specifically the Warrior of Light, for everyone knows that the main warrior of light is…
Cosmos: F*ck it.
[Cosmos teleports away. The heroes all shown set off on their journeys.]

So now some major sh*t is gonna go down between the morons looking for the crystals and the morons who decided to side with Chaos. Brilliant managerial decision right there.

[An establishing shot of the Chaos Shrine is shown. All the villains are gathered. Even Sephiroth. They are all sitting around awkwardly, except for CoD, who is asleep.]
Sephiroth: So… if Garlic doesn’t show up in fifteen minutes, can we go? I mean, the meeting’s not going to start without him…
Golbez: Wait, why are you alive? You stabbed yourself. Through the heart.
Exdeath: It did. Look painful. From where. I was. Standing. Watching. You. Stab yourself. In the heart.
[Sephiroth tries to figure out where Exdeath ends his sentence. An awkward pause follows “in the heart” before he speaks.]
Sephiroth: I got better.
Golbez: So am I to assume that after going limp, you just got up?
Jecht: HA-HA! Penis on Viagra!
Golbez: … Jecht. You are not helping.
Ultimecia: If you’re quite done… All shall bear fruit in due time.
[The Warriors of Chaos groan.]
Kefka: Seriously, Ultimecia? Again with the time puns? You’re not funny. And I’m a clown. I know not funny.
Ultimecia: … Well, fine! Screw you guys! I’m going home!
Ultimecia attempts to storm out… but can’t get through the door.
Ultimecia: Oh, GODDAMMIT!
Emperor: Soon, Ultimecia, there will come the ultimate mortal conflict…
Ultimecia: Marvel vs. Capcom 2?
Emperor: No, the Warriors of Chaos and we fighting other guys. Oh, and the end of reality. We don’t really like it that much. Perhaps the only thing that is out of our reach-- is the whimsy of the gods. And your ability to go through doors. But when our secret evil plan comes to fruition, no door will stop you ever again!
Golbez: If you’re going to make evil plans behind our back, don’t be so obvious about it.
Kuja: Yeah. Ass.
Jecht: HA-HA! T and A! I get the last joke of this segment!                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                               

Half-Minute Hero: SGTB Edition

Welcome to Half-Minute Hero! The game where you save the world in thirty seconds! ... Not actually, since otherwise everyone would lose pretty damn fast. It goes like this - some idiot has cast the Spell of Destruction, dooming the world in thirty seconds! You have to stop him by controlling Hero - this guy!

(H)

Use your imagination, that's clearly Hero. On every stage, he starts out on a map like this -

(-)(-)(-)(-)(-)(-)(C--C)(-)(-)
(*)(*)(-)(T)(-)(-)(C--C)(-)(-)
(-)(@)(-)(-)(-)(-)(-)(-)(H)(-)
(-)(@)(-)(-)(-)(-)(-)(-)(-)(-)
(*)(*)(-)(-)(-)(*)(-)(-)(-)(T)
(-)(-)(-)(-)(-)(*)(-)(-)(-)(-)
(-)(-)(-)(-)(-)(*)(-)(-)(-)(B)
(-)(-)(-)(-)(-)(*)(-)(-)(-)(-)
(-)(-)(C--C)(*)(*)(-)(-)(-)(-)
(-)(-)(C--C)(*)(*)(-)(-)(-)(-)

With the goal to stop the Evil Lord who casted the Spell of Destruction. They will always be in the red castle. Of course, until they actually cast the Spell of Destruction, there's not much point to going to the castle. Hero will take input from anyone, so feel free to tell him what to do!

Now, for how to play. Every space Hero moves takes up one second of time. Every random encounter takes some number, depending on the relative strength of Hero and the encounter monster. Hero can dash to move faster (every two spaces takes up one second), but dashing drains his HP by 2 per space. Hero starts out with 50 HP and gains 10 HP per level.

Hero's Starting Equipment:
HP: 50/50 (This won't change per level)
Gold: 100 (This won't change per level)
Head: None
Weapon: None
Armor: Village Garb (+1 Armor)
Shield: None
Feet: Boots (No boost)

Hero can equip or remove various items as he sees fit (and collects them), but as a general rule will automatically equip whatever item he got last.

Now, on to the story!

Hero was going to the palace for some reason. He was probably an apprentice going to the castle to deliver some tool or other to the king, because that's what most heroes start out doing. Anyway, at the palace, the king spoke to him.

King: Hello, Hero! Thank you for coming! It is at just the right time, because I have something I need to consult with you about! It's more like a favor, actually... You see, Grass Fiends which look kind of like Goblins have taken up roots outside my castle, and I want them eliminated! Could you be a friend and eliminate them for me? Head back to the palace and talk to me when you are done! Oh, and don't try to go west of the mountain range or to the beach while you're gone - my soldiers will stop you! The Grass Fiends should pop up if you go to the spots conviniently marked on your map. Hop to it, hero!

(-)(-)(-)(-)(-)(-)(C--C)(-)(-)
(*)(*)(-)(T)(-)(-)(C--C)(-)(G)
(-)(@)(-)(-)(-)(-)(-)(-)(H)(-)
(-)(@)(-)(-)(-)(-)(G)(-)(-)(-)
(*)(*)(-)(-)(-)(*)(-)(-)(-)(T)
(-)(-)(-)(-)(-)(*)(-)(G)(-)(-)
(-)(-)(-)(-)(-)(*)(-)(-)(-)(B)
(-)(-)(-)(-)(-)(*)(-)(-)(-)(-)
(-)(-)(C--C)(*)(*)(-)(-)(-)(-)
(-)(-)(C--C)(*)(*)(-)(-)(-)(-)

(Now the magic happens - start telling Hero what to do!)                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                               

Image Wars!

In this forum game, the goal is to find an image that can beat the above image!

Ex:

Poster 1: Mickey Rourke!

Poster 2: Mickey Mouse is a better Mickey and defeats Mickey Rourke!

Poster 3: The Dip from Who Framed Roger Rabbit destroys Mickey Mouse!

Poster 4: The power of OxiClean wipes up The Dip!

And so on.

I'll start -

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              

FFRPG Smash!!

Yeah, it’s a version of Super Smash Bros. Deal with it. Now, this is a bit different from the traditional Smash Bros games, and I shall now explain why…

Story Mode: As opposed to Adventure Mode or something like the Subspace Emissary, there are now multiple stories of varying lengths. For example, a story could be Richter Belmont going through Castlevania, an abridged version of the Green Knight plot, or one way of going through the Grand Era. There is one story that shall simply be known as “Final” for now, which is unlocked when all other stories are completed.

Co-op: Up to eight playable characters can be on screen at a time in co-op mode, going through stories or fighting another team. These characters are onscreen even in single-player mode, so you could go through the Grand Era alone controlling only, say, Karasz, but the other playable characters will be fighting alongside you nonetheless.

Smash Balls: Smash Balls now have two different effects – breaking one open grants the character a boost called a “Smash Ball Effect” (original, I know). This could be anything from increasing their attack to calling for backup. These boosts, unfortunately, last for a limited time. When the time expires, the Smash Ball will wear off. “But Alex!” you say. “How can you unleash Final Smashes?” Simple. Press the B button before the Smash Ball Effect wears off.

...

Characters can be found in the next post! Why aren't they here? There are a crapton. But hey, since this game will never be made due to copyright issues, why limit myself?